The Outsiders.

Great book, right? Well, that's not what I'm here to talk about today. I'm here to talk about what it feels like to be an outsider; what it feels like to be on the outside looking in.

Have you ever had a time where you saw a group of people having a grand ole time and thought "Man, why can't I be a part of that?" Ever had a time when you've felt completely excluded from a group of "friends"? Ever feel like you're just sitting on the sidelines? I have.

I've really been struggling lately with feeling like an outsider. I think social media really impacts this. I see all these pictures and statuses about my friends having a great time with one another. Now, don't think that I'm trying to whine and say "I'm not popular enough". Because that's not what I'm doing, AT ALL. I'm way beyond that stage. What I'm saying is this: it's hard to hear someone call you their friend, and then have them make very little effort. It's hard to see your "group of friends" having fun without you. It's hard to sit almost every night and try to figure out why you aren't good enough to want to hang out with. Why you aren't good enough to get an invite.

This is something that has been really heavy on my heart lately. In the last couple weeks, I lost a girl who was supposed to be my best friend. But I thought, "I'm okay because I have an entire community that I'm included in." But then when I really looked at it.. I kind of don't. I have a few friends that actually make a big effort. Other than that, I'm that friend you say hi to at sanctioned events. At least, that how it feels. I see other people move seamlessly into the groove of these friendships, and wonder why I can't fit in like that.

At first, I thought that maybe it was something I had done or said. Because in the past that was always a possibility. But I've worked very hard on my character. There's no way that I've said anything negative about anyone. I've worked really, really hard at becoming a better friend. I'd do anything to my friends. I've opened my home to them, multiple times. I've made an effort. But for some reason, I still can't break that barrier. I really was upset about it last night.

But then I turned to scripture. It doesn't matter how much of an outsider I feel, at least I will always have God on my side. In fact, I'll always be an outsider in this world because my heart belongs to God. It doesn't matter if I feel left out of my friends' group, because God accepts me just as I am. It doesn't matter if I'm married, or boring, or anything. For God, I don't have to change. He loves me just as I am. (Well, minus the sin of course.)

I found some complete comfort in that. I love my friends, even if I don't fit in very well. But even without them, I will feel loved by my God. Colossians 2:6-7