My first trip to the ER.

Last night definitely didn't go as we expected - I ended up in the ER. (Don't worry, I'm pretty much fine.)

About 8:00 last night, I started having severe chest pains. I mean, crazy painful. It made my arm and back hurt. So naturally, I started freaking out. I had Matthew go buy me Prilosec, in case it was a bad case of heart burn. But by about 10, it wasn't working and I was crying from the pain.

So we went to the ER. I was scared, but I wanted to be safe, rather than sorry. So we went and I ended up like this -

Not exactly the way I wanted to spend my Thursday night. They did an EKG and ruled out a heart attack or anything related to my heart. Then they took quite a bit of blood, and a urine sample. They also gave me this pink medicine that was disgusting. But it numbed my mouth, throat, and chest. I had to take that twice. It helped a bit, but not much. It basically just made me feel like I couldn't swallow.

A while later, they hooked me up to the IV and gave me some heavy medicine for my stomach. It helped stop the acid from being produced. It got my pain down, but didn't completely get rid of it. They told me that they thought I either have an ulcer or an eroded esophagus. So now I have to take Prilosec twice a day and also change my diet. Which I'm not looking forward to. I mean, most of the foods that help create acid reflux I absolutely love. For example, my tea.

We got home after one in the morning. Both Matthew & I were exhausted, so we passed right out. Our experience was actually pretty nice - the staff was quick & efficient and very nice. As sucky as it was to be there, they made it very easy. But I'm hoping I can stay out of the hospital for a while. This may be weird, but it was kind of cool, so I took a picture of this -

It looks like a heart! (& mine is perfect and still pumping)

The F Word.

Lately Matt and I have been discussing something that is turning out to be pretty controversial among our friends. So let's just address head on, shall we? - Here's the issue: Matthew and I have started discussing starting a family. It doesn't mean that we are going to run out and get pregnant right this instant, but if that were to happen, we wouldn't be upset. Let's take a look at some of the responses we have gotten from our friends and peers:

1. You guys are way too young. 
My response to this is that there are people having children way younger than us. Couples used to have couples when they were younger than we are now. There's no "right" age to have a child. It depends on the situation. I know of girls my age who are having their second child and they are great moms.

2. You're going to California. You'll be all alone.
We're going to be alone no matter how long we wait. Whether it's in California or whether it's where we are stationed. That's part of the life we chose when Matthew joined the Air Force. We won't always be around our families or our friends. There will be times when we will be completely alone. But that doesn't mean we can't have a family.

3. You're not ready.
I truly hate this response. How can anyone know whether or not Matthew or myself are ready? You don't know what goes on in our house, in our minds. You only know what we tell you, what we show you. I don't believe that anyone has the right to state whether or not Matthew or I are ready for a family.

4. Looks of disgust.
I loathe this reaction as well. I don't understand how anyone could react negatively about someone wanting a child. I believe that it truly speaks about that person's character. - And yes, I did actually get this reaction from a "friend". I mentioned how we wanted a child and this person had a look of disgust on their face. I was horrified at their reaction.

5. You don't know what it entails. You're not thinking clearly about it.
Yes, I realize I don't completely know what it means to have a baby. But be honest. Does anyone ever have a baby and know exactly what they're getting themselves into? I even talked to my mom about it. Her answer was that she didn't know how she was going to do it even when she was in labor. She also said that she could tell me everything about having me, but that it wouldn't matter because it's different for everyone. So what I mean is this - no one knows exactly what they're getting into.

6. You probably can't afford it.
Again, how can anyone try and tell me about my own finances? Believe me, Matthew and I have crunched all the numbers. Especially once he goes off in the Air Force, we will be making enough money. Not that it's any of your guys' business.

7. Well, if you were already pregnant, I'd support you 100%. But since you're not pregnant already, I don't support you.
This is one of my favorite responses. I think it's actually quite hilarious.  Regardless of whether or not I'm already pregnant shouldn't matter. If you're truly my friend, you'll support me no matter what.

8. Straight up ignoring it.
I've had many friends try to just ignore it. I try to talk to them about it and they bulldoze over me with their own problems. Apparently, having different wants and different issues means they just don't matter.

And those my friends, are the top eight reactions that we've received from "friend" when we've tried talking about having a family. So, if you have any of these thoughts - please keep them to yourself. This decision is ultimately ours. If you can't support us, maybe we aren't as good of friends as we thought.

Why we are no longer attending Chi Alpha

*NOTE: Throughout this blog, please keep in mind that I'm in no way bashing Chi Alpha. There are so many good things about this campus ministry. There really are. But there are also a few issues, just like any other organization.

A lot of people don't know that Matthew and I are no longer attending Chi Alpha, and those who do know are wondering why. I figured it would be easiest to just do one big explanation here.

There are basically two reasons why we have chosen to leave campus ministry. The first of the reasons is that Matthew and I are ready to be seen as a young married couple, rather than those college kids who got hitched. I'm sure not everyone sees us that way, but we can tell there is a difference in the way we are treated. We understand that we may have different desires and different wants than most college students, but that doesn't mean we we don't want to hang out or have friends.

The second reason that we are no longer attending Chi Alpha is because we believe there is a clique problem. This is very common in almost every organization. There are about 40 people who always hang out on a regular basis and the rest of the organization is just left outside. There are about 200 people that regularly attend Monday service. Yet, only 40 are the "main" people of XA. These forty people will post pictures and tweet using the hashtag of "#community", which is a Chi Alpha thing. But I believe that hashtag can only be used if everyone is actually being included, which I believe isn't happening. For example, I was friends with someone in Chi Alpha. We became good friends really fast. Now, I haven't talked to that person in weeks and that person is suddenly very close friends with a couple others. I'm beyond the roller coaster of fair weather "friends".

My biggest problem with this is that there is leadership within Chi Alpha who knows that this is an issue, and yet are doing nothing about it. In fact, it's sometimes the leadership who show the most exclusiveness.

As I said at the beginning, I'm not trying to bash Chi Alpha. There really are many good things: service, small groups, etc. The sanctioned events are absolutely wonderful. The people as individuals are very nice as well. I believe that this campus ministry has good intentions, but I also believe that the organization has some work to do.

Matthew and I will be searching for a church here in Springfield in the mean time. This Sunday we will be trying the Courageous Church. I've heard some good things about it. If any of you have some good suggestions, just let me know! We really want to find something that we can get really involved in.

My wonderful weekend review.

Last weekend was busy! Matthew and I went up to Kansas City so I could meet his sister-in-law and his niece! I was really excited about this because I never thought I would get to be an aunt. Since I'm an only child, I wouldn't have ever been one. It's one of the many, many reasons I'm so glad I married Matt - he has four siblings.

so up to KC we trekked. On the way up, I wrote a six page paper that was due Sunday night. Talk about mentally exhausting. Once there we just hung out with his parents and sisters. It was very relaxing. Then Saturday we went over to a family friend's house - Dave & Pris. It was my first time meeting them and they were so cute! One of the cutest old couples ever. On the real though, they were both super nice and I'm glad I had the opportunity to meet them.

That night we went and picked up Rose and Ari! It was so great to finally meet them. It was saddening that I have yet to meet Matt's brother, but that will happen eventually. Saturday night we all just hung out and stayed up late. Sunday morning we got up for church! Here's me and Matt as we were leaving:

The message was really great that day. When we left I just wanted to go and save the world. After church we went to Chuck E. Cheese! Here's me and Ari right before we left:

Just try and tell me she isn't just the most adorable little girl ever. Here's some of us who got bored while waiting to order our pizza:

Yeah, we're pretty awesome. I really do love the Gleatons though. If I could choose any family to marry into, it would definitely be theirs. They have welcomed me right in and made me feel as if I've always been a part of their family. It was, and is, absolutely heartwarming. They've accepted me into their family so much that Matthew's dad, Miles, has proposed that I go on a trip with him after I graduate. He travels to Georgia (the country) and India and Thailand and all kinds of other places! He gets to see and do really cool things and he gets to connect with so many different kinds of people. I would so love to have an opportunity like that. When Miles mentioned that to me as we were eating pizza, I seriously wanted to just cry tears of happiness. It really meant the world to me that he would take me with him.

While we were at Chuck E. Cheese, all little Ari wanted to do was ride the carousal. I'm pretty sure that all of the aunts had a turn riding with her. Here's a picture from when I rode:

Yup, I'm totally cheesin'. But I'm okay with it! All in all, it was an amazing weekend. Being called "Aunt Janessa" was absolutely awesome and I can't wait until Matt's sisters start having babies so I can have a bunch of nieces and nephews!






Yesterday, I got to run around town changing my name! Yes, I finally got around to it. I applied/ordered my new Social Security card and my new driver's license! And I got my name changed at the bank. So it's officially official. I'm no longer Janessa Mitchell - I am Janessa Gleaton!

Home is where the heart is.

It's been over a week since I've posted anything - and that's because I've been insanely busy. Last Friday was my last day at Thompson Sales. It was definitely bittersweet, but I'm looking forward to new opportunities. Then, my mom came in town this past weekend! She stayed Friday until Monday and it was AWESOME.

Friday night we took my mom out to Nakato for her birthday. It was super delicious, as always. We got her the birthday special, so she got a dessert and a picture! Here's us:

It was so fun and so, so, so yummy! Then Saturday we went shopping and did all kinds of stuff. We went to Kohls, then to an animal shelter, then to Bass Pro! We got SO MUCH STUFF there. Knocked out a ton of Christmas presents. I love that Matthew works there because the discount is amazing! Then after our 2 hour spree there we went to Old Chicago for dinner. We had the best waitress ever. When I go back, I'm going to ask for her. After all that we went home and watched Water for Elephants. It was a long day!

Then, Sunday we went to a thrift store and found all kinds of awesome treasures. I got 20 new coffee mugs!

Aren't they cute!? After thrifting for a while, we went to Buckinham's to catch the end of the Chiefs game!

AND WE'RE TOTALLY 8-0!!!! GO CHIEFS! - Anyway, the food was delicious. I tried something new and LOVED it. We sat at the bar and had another awesome waitress. After hanging out there for a while we went back to the house and just kind of chilled. then we went to the Hotel of Terror!

It had been a few years since my mom had gone to a haunted house and I had never been, so we decided to go! I only cried once, and it was at the very beginning because the guy with the chainsaw cornered me. It was scary! The entire thing was so cool. It was only $11, which is super cheap. I'm so glad we went, and if I were going to be in Springfield next year, I'd totally go again. After that we just went home and watched Rush Hour 2.

When my mom and I woke up Monday we went shopping - AGAIN! I took her to Kirklands because she had never been. Of course she fell in love with it. I mean, it is an awesome store. After that though she had to leave. I was sad to see her go, but I'm so thankful she was able to come down for the weekend! This coming weekend, Matthew and I will be going to KC because his sister-in-law and niece are flying in from Hawaii!!!! I'm beyond excited for it. I always thought I was never going to be an aunt, and now in just four days I get to meet my niece!

Last night I went to Mardel - a Christian store here in town. I went looking for devotionals, and I left with three and a new Bible. Holy cow! I'm pretty excited about them though. The first devotional I found was this one:

This is a ten week Bible study that goes over Ephesians. If you know me, you know that I have a big love for Ephesians. It's also directed towards women, so that's exciting too. I'm going to work through this one first. The second one that I got was this one:

I'm not completely familiar with the parables of Jesus, so this one will be super awesome to work through. This also is a ten week study and I will do it once I'm done with Ephesians. (even though I want to start it now!) Then, as I was browsing, I found another devotional. But this one isn't just for me - it's for me and Matt.

There's 365 days worth of couples devotionals in this book. It's going to be super challenging but I'm really excited about it. I think this book will really help us stay accountable in keeping Christ in the center of our relationship. We're starting it today! I also got a new Bible. Mardel will put your name on your Bible for you, and so my first Bible has my maiden name on it. I asked if they could add my new last name, and they said no. I really wanted a Bible with my married name on it, so I bought a new one! I'm going to use it for my devotionals and studies and will use my other one for things such as Monday service and small groups and stuff like that. Here's my new Bible:

All in all, it was an amazing weekend. It really got me rejuvenated for this week. It even made it easy to get out of bed this morning when it was pouring rain! (which, by the way, my sweats are STILL wet). Weekends like this past one really just encourage me and remind me that God is so amazing! 

The Outsiders.

Great book, right? Well, that's not what I'm here to talk about today. I'm here to talk about what it feels like to be an outsider; what it feels like to be on the outside looking in.

Have you ever had a time where you saw a group of people having a grand ole time and thought "Man, why can't I be a part of that?" Ever had a time when you've felt completely excluded from a group of "friends"? Ever feel like you're just sitting on the sidelines? I have.

I've really been struggling lately with feeling like an outsider. I think social media really impacts this. I see all these pictures and statuses about my friends having a great time with one another. Now, don't think that I'm trying to whine and say "I'm not popular enough". Because that's not what I'm doing, AT ALL. I'm way beyond that stage. What I'm saying is this: it's hard to hear someone call you their friend, and then have them make very little effort. It's hard to see your "group of friends" having fun without you. It's hard to sit almost every night and try to figure out why you aren't good enough to want to hang out with. Why you aren't good enough to get an invite.

This is something that has been really heavy on my heart lately. In the last couple weeks, I lost a girl who was supposed to be my best friend. But I thought, "I'm okay because I have an entire community that I'm included in." But then when I really looked at it.. I kind of don't. I have a few friends that actually make a big effort. Other than that, I'm that friend you say hi to at sanctioned events. At least, that how it feels. I see other people move seamlessly into the groove of these friendships, and wonder why I can't fit in like that.

At first, I thought that maybe it was something I had done or said. Because in the past that was always a possibility. But I've worked very hard on my character. There's no way that I've said anything negative about anyone. I've worked really, really hard at becoming a better friend. I'd do anything to my friends. I've opened my home to them, multiple times. I've made an effort. But for some reason, I still can't break that barrier. I really was upset about it last night.

But then I turned to scripture. It doesn't matter how much of an outsider I feel, at least I will always have God on my side. In fact, I'll always be an outsider in this world because my heart belongs to God. It doesn't matter if I feel left out of my friends' group, because God accepts me just as I am. It doesn't matter if I'm married, or boring, or anything. For God, I don't have to change. He loves me just as I am. (Well, minus the sin of course.)

I found some complete comfort in that. I love my friends, even if I don't fit in very well. But even without them, I will feel loved by my God. Colossians 2:6-7

The winds of change.

Monday's must be a good day for change for the Gleaton's. Last Monday it was baptisms, and this week it's jobs.

Today, Matthew started his full time position at Bass Pro. He's working in their warehouse Monday through Friday. It's a guaranteed forty hours, and we're super excited about it. He will still be keeping his job at Gordmans and will just switch from stock room to the Home department. So some nights of the week he will be working there as well.

Today, I put in my two weeks at Thompson's. It was a hard decision at first, but I feel so relieved now that it's over. I have accepted a position at BYO Pizza, which is a new pizza place here in Springfield. It is only as a crew member, but there is a chance of being put up into management. At first I felt like this is a step down from where I'm at (I mean, I'm taking a pay cut), but the more I look at it, the more I see opportunity.

It's been a while since I've been in the food business, and I'm excited to get back into it, surprisingly. Pizza isn't something I've ever thought about doing, and I'm stoked to see what it's like. I also see opportunity because there is a chance to move up into management. I'm going to work hard to try and obtain that position. Here at Thompson's, I have no opportunity of moving upward. I'm stagnant and I hate it. It's time for a change, and I'm more than thankful that God put this opportunity in my path.

Also, since we're talking about change, Matthew got a ship date, finally. He's scheduled to be shipped out on March 4th. In case you're wondering, that's 140 days away. His job will be an airborne linguist. We weren't fully expecting that job, so we have a lot of details to work through. No matter what happens though, we know that God is in control and will put us exactly where we need to be.

There's a lot of other change that is going to be happening in our lives, and when it is official and stuff, I can't wait to let you all know! Change is good and change is fun. Praise be to God for opening all these doors for Matthew and I.

Ps: Here's a sneak peek at some of our wedding photos: