Lately Matt and I have been discussing something that is turning out to be pretty controversial among our friends. So let's just address head on, shall we? - Here's the issue: Matthew and I have started discussing starting a family. It doesn't mean that we are going to run out and get pregnant right this instant, but if that were to happen, we wouldn't be upset. Let's take a look at some of the responses we have gotten from our friends and peers:
1. You guys are way too young.
My response to this is that there are people having children way younger than us. Couples used to have couples when they were younger than we are now. There's no "right" age to have a child. It depends on the situation. I know of girls my age who are having their second child and they are great moms.
2. You're going to California. You'll be all alone.
We're going to be alone no matter how long we wait. Whether it's in California or whether it's where we are stationed. That's part of the life we chose when Matthew joined the Air Force. We won't always be around our families or our friends. There will be times when we will be completely alone. But that doesn't mean we can't have a family.
3. You're not ready.
I truly hate this response. How can anyone know whether or not Matthew or myself are ready? You don't know what goes on in our house, in our minds. You only know what we tell you, what we show you. I don't believe that anyone has the right to state whether or not Matthew or I are ready for a family.
4. Looks of disgust.
I loathe this reaction as well. I don't understand how anyone could react negatively about someone wanting a child. I believe that it truly speaks about that person's character. - And yes, I did actually get this reaction from a "friend". I mentioned how we wanted a child and this person had a look of disgust on their face. I was horrified at their reaction.
5. You don't know what it entails. You're not thinking clearly about it.
Yes, I realize I don't completely know what it means to have a baby. But be honest. Does anyone ever have a baby and know exactly what they're getting themselves into? I even talked to my mom about it. Her answer was that she didn't know how she was going to do it even when she was in labor. She also said that she could tell me everything about having me, but that it wouldn't matter because it's different for everyone. So what I mean is this - no one knows exactly what they're getting into.
6. You probably can't afford it.
Again, how can anyone try and tell me about my own finances? Believe me, Matthew and I have crunched all the numbers. Especially once he goes off in the Air Force, we will be making enough money. Not that it's any of your guys' business.
7. Well, if you were already pregnant, I'd support you 100%. But since you're not pregnant already, I don't support you.
This is one of my favorite responses. I think it's actually quite hilarious. Regardless of whether or not I'm already pregnant shouldn't matter. If you're truly my friend, you'll support me no matter what.
8. Straight up ignoring it.
I've had many friends try to just ignore it. I try to talk to them about it and they bulldoze over me with their own problems. Apparently, having different wants and different issues means they just don't matter.
And those my friends, are the top eight reactions that we've received from "friend" when we've tried talking about having a family. So, if you have any of these thoughts - please keep them to yourself. This decision is ultimately ours. If you can't support us, maybe we aren't as good of friends as we thought.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Monday, November 18, 2013
Why we are no longer attending Chi Alpha
*NOTE: Throughout this blog, please keep in mind that I'm in no way bashing Chi Alpha. There are so many good things about this campus ministry. There really are. But there are also a few issues, just like any other organization.
A lot of people don't know that Matthew and I are no longer attending Chi Alpha, and those who do know are wondering why. I figured it would be easiest to just do one big explanation here.
There are basically two reasons why we have chosen to leave campus ministry. The first of the reasons is that Matthew and I are ready to be seen as a young married couple, rather than those college kids who got hitched. I'm sure not everyone sees us that way, but we can tell there is a difference in the way we are treated. We understand that we may have different desires and different wants than most college students, but that doesn't mean we we don't want to hang out or have friends.
The second reason that we are no longer attending Chi Alpha is because we believe there is a clique problem. This is very common in almost every organization. There are about 40 people who always hang out on a regular basis and the rest of the organization is just left outside. There are about 200 people that regularly attend Monday service. Yet, only 40 are the "main" people of XA. These forty people will post pictures and tweet using the hashtag of "#community", which is a Chi Alpha thing. But I believe that hashtag can only be used if everyone is actually being included, which I believe isn't happening. For example, I was friends with someone in Chi Alpha. We became good friends really fast. Now, I haven't talked to that person in weeks and that person is suddenly very close friends with a couple others. I'm beyond the roller coaster of fair weather "friends".
My biggest problem with this is that there is leadership within Chi Alpha who knows that this is an issue, and yet are doing nothing about it. In fact, it's sometimes the leadership who show the most exclusiveness.
As I said at the beginning, I'm not trying to bash Chi Alpha. There really are many good things: service, small groups, etc. The sanctioned events are absolutely wonderful. The people as individuals are very nice as well. I believe that this campus ministry has good intentions, but I also believe that the organization has some work to do.
Matthew and I will be searching for a church here in Springfield in the mean time. This Sunday we will be trying the Courageous Church. I've heard some good things about it. If any of you have some good suggestions, just let me know! We really want to find something that we can get really involved in.
A lot of people don't know that Matthew and I are no longer attending Chi Alpha, and those who do know are wondering why. I figured it would be easiest to just do one big explanation here.
There are basically two reasons why we have chosen to leave campus ministry. The first of the reasons is that Matthew and I are ready to be seen as a young married couple, rather than those college kids who got hitched. I'm sure not everyone sees us that way, but we can tell there is a difference in the way we are treated. We understand that we may have different desires and different wants than most college students, but that doesn't mean we we don't want to hang out or have friends.
The second reason that we are no longer attending Chi Alpha is because we believe there is a clique problem. This is very common in almost every organization. There are about 40 people who always hang out on a regular basis and the rest of the organization is just left outside. There are about 200 people that regularly attend Monday service. Yet, only 40 are the "main" people of XA. These forty people will post pictures and tweet using the hashtag of "#community", which is a Chi Alpha thing. But I believe that hashtag can only be used if everyone is actually being included, which I believe isn't happening. For example, I was friends with someone in Chi Alpha. We became good friends really fast. Now, I haven't talked to that person in weeks and that person is suddenly very close friends with a couple others. I'm beyond the roller coaster of fair weather "friends".
My biggest problem with this is that there is leadership within Chi Alpha who knows that this is an issue, and yet are doing nothing about it. In fact, it's sometimes the leadership who show the most exclusiveness.
As I said at the beginning, I'm not trying to bash Chi Alpha. There really are many good things: service, small groups, etc. The sanctioned events are absolutely wonderful. The people as individuals are very nice as well. I believe that this campus ministry has good intentions, but I also believe that the organization has some work to do.
Matthew and I will be searching for a church here in Springfield in the mean time. This Sunday we will be trying the Courageous Church. I've heard some good things about it. If any of you have some good suggestions, just let me know! We really want to find something that we can get really involved in.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
My wonderful weekend review.
Last weekend was busy! Matthew and I went up to Kansas City so I could meet his sister-in-law and his niece! I was really excited about this because I never thought I would get to be an aunt. Since I'm an only child, I wouldn't have ever been one. It's one of the many, many reasons I'm so glad I married Matt - he has four siblings.
so up to KC we trekked. On the way up, I wrote a six page paper that was due Sunday night. Talk about mentally exhausting. Once there we just hung out with his parents and sisters. It was very relaxing. Then Saturday we went over to a family friend's house - Dave & Pris. It was my first time meeting them and they were so cute! One of the cutest old couples ever. On the real though, they were both super nice and I'm glad I had the opportunity to meet them.
That night we went and picked up Rose and Ari! It was so great to finally meet them. It was saddening that I have yet to meet Matt's brother, but that will happen eventually. Saturday night we all just hung out and stayed up late. Sunday morning we got up for church! Here's me and Matt as we were leaving:
The message was really great that day. When we left I just wanted to go and save the world. After church we went to Chuck E. Cheese! Here's me and Ari right before we left:
Just try and tell me she isn't just the most adorable little girl ever. Here's some of us who got bored while waiting to order our pizza:
Yeah, we're pretty awesome. I really do love the Gleatons though. If I could choose any family to marry into, it would definitely be theirs. They have welcomed me right in and made me feel as if I've always been a part of their family. It was, and is, absolutely heartwarming. They've accepted me into their family so much that Matthew's dad, Miles, has proposed that I go on a trip with him after I graduate. He travels to Georgia (the country) and India and Thailand and all kinds of other places! He gets to see and do really cool things and he gets to connect with so many different kinds of people. I would so love to have an opportunity like that. When Miles mentioned that to me as we were eating pizza, I seriously wanted to just cry tears of happiness. It really meant the world to me that he would take me with him.
While we were at Chuck E. Cheese, all little Ari wanted to do was ride the carousal. I'm pretty sure that all of the aunts had a turn riding with her. Here's a picture from when I rode:
Yup, I'm totally cheesin'. But I'm okay with it! All in all, it was an amazing weekend. Being called "Aunt Janessa" was absolutely awesome and I can't wait until Matt's sisters start having babies so I can have a bunch of nieces and nephews!
Yesterday, I got to run around town changing my name! Yes, I finally got around to it. I applied/ordered my new Social Security card and my new driver's license! And I got my name changed at the bank. So it's officially official. I'm no longer Janessa Mitchell - I am Janessa Gleaton!
so up to KC we trekked. On the way up, I wrote a six page paper that was due Sunday night. Talk about mentally exhausting. Once there we just hung out with his parents and sisters. It was very relaxing. Then Saturday we went over to a family friend's house - Dave & Pris. It was my first time meeting them and they were so cute! One of the cutest old couples ever. On the real though, they were both super nice and I'm glad I had the opportunity to meet them.
That night we went and picked up Rose and Ari! It was so great to finally meet them. It was saddening that I have yet to meet Matt's brother, but that will happen eventually. Saturday night we all just hung out and stayed up late. Sunday morning we got up for church! Here's me and Matt as we were leaving:
The message was really great that day. When we left I just wanted to go and save the world. After church we went to Chuck E. Cheese! Here's me and Ari right before we left:
Just try and tell me she isn't just the most adorable little girl ever. Here's some of us who got bored while waiting to order our pizza:
Yeah, we're pretty awesome. I really do love the Gleatons though. If I could choose any family to marry into, it would definitely be theirs. They have welcomed me right in and made me feel as if I've always been a part of their family. It was, and is, absolutely heartwarming. They've accepted me into their family so much that Matthew's dad, Miles, has proposed that I go on a trip with him after I graduate. He travels to Georgia (the country) and India and Thailand and all kinds of other places! He gets to see and do really cool things and he gets to connect with so many different kinds of people. I would so love to have an opportunity like that. When Miles mentioned that to me as we were eating pizza, I seriously wanted to just cry tears of happiness. It really meant the world to me that he would take me with him.
While we were at Chuck E. Cheese, all little Ari wanted to do was ride the carousal. I'm pretty sure that all of the aunts had a turn riding with her. Here's a picture from when I rode:
Yesterday, I got to run around town changing my name! Yes, I finally got around to it. I applied/ordered my new Social Security card and my new driver's license! And I got my name changed at the bank. So it's officially official. I'm no longer Janessa Mitchell - I am Janessa Gleaton!
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