Rough waters.

This last week has been one heck of a ride, my friends. There's been a lot of lows and a few highs. A lot of tears have been shed this week, and I'm so glad that it's finally over. It's felt like we've been on a boat in the middle of a hurricane.

To begin with, last weekend was good and bad. It was so great because  I got to see so much family in only two days. I saw all three sets of grandparents (minus one grandparent) in two days. It was busy, but wonderful. Matthew finally got to meet my great aunt Sister Mary Ethel. She's one of my most favorite family members. It was great!

But Saturday night, Matthew and I had our biggest fight yet. Mean words were said and it left us in a funk that lasted several days. I'll spare you the details, but it wasn't good. I can't say that I've ever been so mad at someone and yet still loved them with all my heart. It was definitely rough because it didn't seem like there was a light at the end of the tunnel for us and it was scary. But I was so hurt that I really needed some time.

To make matters worse, on Monday when I got to work one of my co-workers decided to go off on me. It was about something I tweeted about my job. It wasn't anything too horrible really at all. In my opinion, she should have have gone off on me at the front desk, but that's beside the point. She said hurtful things to me that she didn't have a place to say. For the second day in a row, I cried. Hard. I got so mad at God. I felt like everything was just falling apart and I didn't know why. I sat at the desk at work and just yelled at God. I didn't know what to do, I had yet to be mad at Him and I didn't know how to handle it. I mean, who am I to know if He'd get mad at me for being mad at him?

Luckily, I have some amazing friends. I had tweeted about how I was feeling super down and how I was mad at God and didn't know how to handle it. One of the best responses I had on Twitter was this: "It's a relationship. Healthy ones aren't always sunshine and rainbows. You being mad just shows you have a deep relationship." Literally so true. It was a perfect reminder. I also had a lot of friends text me to give me encouragement. Some offered verses to read (which were seriously helpful) and some offered to just listen to me talk. It made me feel so loved.

Then, Tuesday, I was trying to get to class, and a train stopped and blocked my way almost making me late. At this point, I texted Matt and told him God was pooping on me. I seriously felt like nothing was going to go right this week. Then Wednesday I walked into work and walked right into the middle of an employee luncheon that I knew literally nothing about. I mean, it shut the whole company down and every single employee was there. I was so embarrassed. Literally four and a half bad days in a row. I could only take so much.

Finally though, some good news came through. Matt's recruiter had called and said that they could move his swear in date up to this week. So today we came up to Kansas City to go to MEPS so that Matthew could start the process. His recruiter told him that would take the DLAB today to see if he would qualify for the cryptologic linguist. Turns out the squadron (which covers about four states) was holding this job for him. So we came up and he took the test. He scored a 122! For the Air Force, you need a 105 to qualify. Matt did amazing on it! He called me and I was so happy for him. As long as he passes the physical requirements tomorrow, he should be good to go! It's going to be such an awesome ride. Tomorrow, he swears in, and I know that it will be a moment where I've never been more proud of anyone. I'm so thankful that God has put us on this path.

This week has had a lot of downs and a few ups. It's been a long week, but I know that things will turn around. God always provides, and I trust in Him. My anger has faded for the most part, and I've been praying extra hard and extra long this week and especially today. I know that prayer changes things and I know that God is really listening to me. I'm starting to delve deeper and deeper into my Bible and I'm loving what I find. Becoming a Christian has literally been the best thing to ever happen to me.